The Office Jester… every office needs one to come up with such outs during employee evaluation
After focusing on the evil thing that is the PowerPoint presentation through three Office Jester posts, we’ve finally come to a point where our inner demons have been laid to rest. So, naturally, now we have the chance to obsess over some other thing office related. We choose to begin with employee evaluation.
If there is anything more sinister than employee evaluation, then mankind is yet to come across it in all its millions of years on this Earth. In any case, there aren’t many things that will come even close to the underlying malice of employee evaluations. By our reckoning, we can count these things on our fingers:
- Mordor and Sauron
- The Sith with Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine
- Hannibal Lecter, Freddie Kruger, and Jack the Ripper
- Lord Voldemort with his Snake Eaters
- Predator and Alien
We’re pretty sure you’ll agree with us unless, of course, you’re the one doing the employee evaluation. If you are, then we suggest you practice some empathy. If you don’t then you just might meet experience an employee evaluation similar to what is shown in the following video.
Employee Evaluation from Hell!
We have to say that we enjoy Mad TV. It was one of the more creative comedy sketch programmes of its time and it yielded some really rolling on the floor laughing type of pieces. This one had one of our favourite performers – Nicole Sullivan and this was one of her best characters – Wendy.
She starts out as such a simple and compliant employee, doesn’t she? She asks if she should close the door and immediately gives an early warning in the form of her comment about the “closed door meeting”. This early warning is followed by another one when she pre-empts what Mr Jurgen is about to say with her “I’m trying and trying”. After that, everything is her crying, bawling, whining, wailing, and basically caterwauling.
Her self-castigation is a thing of beauty with some incredibly amusing comments. We present you the following.
- I can’t do anything right…
- I can’t calm down!
- Everything’s falling apart…
- Were they bad typos?
Soon after, she becomes aggressive and puts the guy on the defensive with “Oh my god, you’re gonna fire me; I can see it in your eyes”. It’s a nice strategy you know, if you can bear to look like a huge cry-baby. We wonder how many people even thought to try it during the great big recession of 2008. After all, people get uncomfortable when strangers cry and wail in front of them. So, when someone is about to fire you, you don’t lose out on a lot by doing this routine. At the very least, it’s an interesting that you might want to try, the next time you feel your job is threatened.
Mr Jurgen, you have to say, is a little dim-witted. The woman is about to leave the office all calm and he sets her off again with his “no more outbursts”. Talk about making the same mistake twice. Needless to say, he deserved the next “you’re gonna fire me coz I cried” as much as “But your eyes!”
After that there are those three endings. We can’t decide which one we liked more. We liked the line “you can fire my body, you can fire my mind, but you cannot fire my spirit” as well as “you die by your actions but baby you live by your dreams”. We even liked the silliness of Betty Simpson’s resurrection and the dubbed dancing battle on silly arcade video game music. Help us decide, will you?